Sign up to get full access to all our latest content, research, and network for everything customer contact.

How Helicopter Parenting Your Business Hurts Results

Add bookmark
Judy Murdoch
Judy Murdoch
03/07/2011

"Helicopter Parenting" is a popular expression used to describe a parent who is trying to "manage" their children’s success by eliminating any chance of failure.

There are actual stories about parents who argue with college professors about their children’s grades or insist on sitting in on salary negotiations when their child is talking to a potential employer.

Although stories and cartoons that depict the extremes of helicopter parenting are often very funny, the dark side is when parents micro-manage and over-protect, children fail to learn the life skills they need to become independent, successful human beings.

The Roots of Helicopter Parenting

There are a lot of reasons for helicopter parenting. In industrialized nations like the United States, baby boomer parents are having fewer children and thus all their hopes and aspirations get hyper-focused on their one or two.

I think what’s really important here is that helicopter parenting is a symptom of not seeing our children as independent human beings with their own needs, spirit, and destiny. Instead helicopter parents see children as an extension of their own ego:

  • When the child succeeds, the parent can feel happy because they by extension are succeeding (read: worthy of esteem)
  • When the child makes a mistake and fails, the parent is unhappy, stressed because they by extension are failing

How the child does has a large effect on how the parent feels about him or herself.

So what does Helicopter Parenting have to do with your business and the results you get?

You Can Helicopter Parent Your Business

The whole helicopter parenting in relation to business issue came up while I was talking with my coach about some struggles I was having around marketing a new product.

"I’m afraid no one is going to be interested in it," I told him.

My coach then asked me to consider a larger perspective and as I did so, the image of my son when he was a toddler came to mind. This made sense because for me, when I create and market a product, it’s not unlike bringing a child into the world.

"You know, I’m remembering when my son was small and I had so much love for him, I never doubted for a moment that he was special just being who he was.

"If someone didn’t like him because some people don’t like noisy little kids, it didn’t phase me.

"I trusted that there would be people who would love him every bit as much as I did and that was enough. He’s 14 now and I still have that trust that he will love and be loved and however many people do, that will be the perfect number."

"But you don’t have that kind of trust for your products?" My coach asked me.

"NO!" I said. I feel like I need to do everything in my power to get people to be interested and to like my product. And if they don’t like my product, it’s my fault. I didn’t do enough."

Hmm. This was interesting.

Products are Created from a Place of Love

One of the reasons this exchange fascinated me was that when I create a product: when I write an ebook, or create a diagram, or plan a class, a lot of love goes into the process.

I don’t mean mushy, romantic love.

I mean the quiet kind of love in creating something from the desire to be in service. When I’m writing or designing or planning, I’m very aware of the flow of love I feel — like I’m channeling something from a higher power through my heart and into my work.

And when I look at the workbooks I’ve developed, the classes I’ve created, and the articles I’ve written, I usually experience a sense of pride, awe even. It’s not unusual for me to think, "Wow, I did that?"

It’s not arrogance because as far as I’m concerned, no way could I do my work based on my own facilities. I sincerely feel that I have a Higher Power who is my partner in this work.

And it’s not just me. I’ve worked with hundreds of small business owners and many of them express the same experience: that they are instrumental in their work but the real joy comes from the sense that they are part of a larger, more important reality.

But Somehow Love Ditches Us When We Start Marketing

When I get going in the marketing process, instead of feeling a sense of love and connection, I feel scared and a little despairing.

I suddenly focus on what EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING and on what I’m not doing.

And everyone else is doing it better. They must be doing it better. It looks like they’re doing it better.

So is this the mother who absolutely trusts that there are enough people out there who will love what she’s brought into the world?

Are you kidding?

This is Helicopter Mom, hovering over her product. Hovering over everything she’s saying about her product and wondering, "Will they like this?" Worried about all the flaws she knows her product has and all the flaws she has. Helicopter Mom is sure that she better work really hard because if she doesn’t do it, her product is doomed to fail.

Clearly Our Product Needs Some Support

OK, so I’m not making an argument that you should create your product and then trust that it’s a better mousetrap and everyone is going to beat down your door to get to it.

I think it’s important to do the footwork–to:

  • Know who your customers are.
  • Craft a message that connects with your customers and tells them "I have a solution for you"
  • Send that message regularly and consistently so your customers are reminded that you can help
  • Learn is your product helping people get results? And improving your product so it’s more effective

These things give your product its best chance to succeed.

But we also need to remember that it’s not up to us alone:

  • If you are a spiritual person, you check in with your heart’s guidance to make decisions
  • You ask other people for help and guidance
  • You trust that what is created from a place of love has a place in the world even if that place is not immediately obvious and even if success comes in a different form.
  • You stop seeking happiness and fulfillment through the success of your business.

This is my new way of bringing my products into the world. This is the way I help my clients create and market their products.

Bottom Line

I’d love to tell you that I’m 100% certain this way of marketing is the right way. But one thing I AM 100% certain of is the Helicopter Parenting around marketing my products and services really sucks.

So I’m taking my ego out of the equation and replacing struggle and angst and worry with trusting my guidance and having more peace of mind.

If that sounds good to you, you know where to find me.

Check out Judy Murdoch's blog Highly Contagious Marketing.


RECOMMENDED